Long hard day almost gone

This has been an incredibly long day. You would not imagine that someone who spent almost the whole day in bed might say such a thing. But I am. Tonight I am so going to bed early.



My mom agreed that I didn't have to make soup since I really didn't feel like cooking. Whew. So pizza it is. Unfortunately for my tummy it is going to be another hour and a half because of the snow and all the people ordering take out.



It is snowing so hard and has been all day. We should have another 3-4 inches before this thing goes away. Yuck.



I need to go out tomorrow and get the stuff to make my mom her cookies for the trip next week and to mail a package I am going to send to my kids for Valentine's Day.



I really hope my ex lets them have the presents. I really try hard to pick out things that they would like and, maybe it is none of my concern but I would really like to know that they at least got the presents. We will see if they respond though. It is out of my hands.



I am still avoiding this feeling of being numb and empty. I feel so out of control. Do I face these feelings or do I try to push them away by self-injuring? To me, it is just too hard to face them, it just hurts too much. I might learn through the facing of these wretched feelings that I really am what I think I am. And what would that be? I just cannot go there either.